i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
