The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
