so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
