are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
