So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
