Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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