so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
