At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
