you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
