Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
