I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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