we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
