my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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