i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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