are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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