textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
