is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he thought i was a dude.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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