I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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