im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
