So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
