I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Someone signed my nipple.
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