I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
