Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You can't special order awesome
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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