You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
