you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
