No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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