You can't motorboat a personality
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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