im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
