Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
