It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
