hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
