She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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