Where is the hickey?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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