weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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