Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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