is your mom at the bar?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
