she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
