its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
