he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
