but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
