I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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