Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize