don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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