New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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