I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
