Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How external is "for external use only"?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
