About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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