Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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