I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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