Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
