Michael Bay diarrhea
Fuck appropriateness.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
