im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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