I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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