I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
