My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize