No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
