seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
