She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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