he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
