fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
