Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
