Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
