I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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