the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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