I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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