i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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