just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
