I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
