two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
