went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
