Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
