ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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