i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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