life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
