I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
